NUSWhispers – Confession #92814

Would really appreciate some honest and heartfelt advice as I myself don't know anymore if I would be the one who ends up regretting or would it be for the better of myself in the near future to come.. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past 1 year and 2 months, he is from Malaysia and has been working in Singapore 6 years ago. He is also a year younger than I am, but these does not really bother me nor is it an issue to me. Since even before we got together, I am already aware that he does not earn a stable income and is not financially stable as he used to worked in sales line and only gets very minimal basic of a few hundreds per month which was the case in most months, but again, this isn't something that bothers me much too as I am quite financially capable and earn quite a decent good amount every month which is more than sufficient for myself. So, ever since when we were dating, I am always the one who pays the bill and I pay for every single thing and he never ever have to fork out a single cent, even though initially he did try to pay for things, and even told me that he truly felt really guilty and bad that he is poor and i have to be the one who pays almost all the time, it soon became a natural thing that I am the one who pays for everything, but that is ok for me too because i believe that in a relationship, we should not be so calculative especially since I am the one earning a lot and he does not even earn a few hundreds a month. He quitted he's sales job shortly after 2 or 3 months since we got into a relationship as the boss was a real jerk who's a gambler and they did not get along well and I was the one who actually supported that decision to quit and find a new job. Since 1 month into the relationship, We were living with my family together at my place even up till today, so after he left he's sales job, he was jobless for a while before he took up delivery driver jobs. He would always either be jobless or switch delivering driver jobs because of the main issue of our relationship, which is I am not able to trust him, but that doesn't really matter as he was only working just for the work permit to be able to remain in sg with me. The last 2 delivery jobs he quitted/got fired because he was not able to work properly as we were not able to find a solution to fix the trust issue between us that got broken and this might actually be the main reason why I'd need some honest advice on whether this relationship is worth continuing or what I should do. Initially when we just got together, I trusted him and never ever doubted him in anything until after leaving he's sales job and working the first delivery job, 1 day, I found out that he'd been watching porn during he's lunch break/working hours at the warehouse of he's working place as he's job is quite free and does not require them to be on the road all the time /the entire day and this was the start of all the distrust and issues already. I questioned him and he did admit to watching porn and masturbating in the warehouse toilet during he's lunch break/free time and it really did make my heart sink totally and I am devasted beyond words. Shortly after I found out about this, he quitted the job as that was what I wanted as well. But it wasn't before long that he had to look for another job as he needed a permit to remain in sg and that's when he took up the second delivery job which did not last for more than a month as I insisted to follow him to work almost every single day if not we will video call thru the whole day. Since I found out about the porn activity, I could never trust him or let him be alone anywhere for even a while and we were together 24/7 every single day before I decided that we started our own business as I thought that'd be the only solution to solve the permit issue as well as being able to earn money together as there was a period of 1 month after quitting he's sales job and he's permit expired, he had to be in jb all alone for 30 days staying at hotels alone every night until he came back to sg, but I would book and pay for the hotel every single night and would go in to jb 3 or 4 times a week to pass him money for he's meals as well as to accompany him and stay the weekend over with him. But sadly, that 1 time I found out about he's "cheating with porn" during the delivery driver job, I also found out that all these time thru the relationship, he has been doing that too, and even every single night during he's 1 month stay in jb. So, ever since mid this year, we decided to start our own business together which will not only let him be able to remain in sg with a permit, but also able to work and be together, but ever since then, things have been going downhill because we'd argue and quarrel at least a couple of times a week, mostly over him looking at girls which he claims that he doesn't at all. Ever since I found out about he's porn habit, I installed a family app on he's phone to be able to monitor what app he uses, he's location as well as restrict contents like porn sites etc. On he's phone. I simply just cannot trust him anymore as even after finding out about the porn and installing the app on he's phone, there was a few times that i was asleep/not with him and he was using Facebook/social media to view girls photos/videos that were those very explicit or bikini/lingerie type and again, it just made things worse. After hes last delivery job, we'd frequently quarrel and even break up then patch back again, most of the time he'd leave or I will make him pack and leave, but then we'd end up patching up and moving back again, within a day or 2. Recently, ever since we started our own business and everytime we quarrel or break up, he'd leave and I'd be the one who has to beg him to come back as I feel that I love him a lot and can't be without him, so the pass few times begging him to come back and he did come back, each time he just treated me worst and he has changed whereby he doesn't really care whether I am angry or not and just leave me to be because he is so confident that I cannot be without him. As of today, there is still the parental control app on he's phone and we are together 24/7. But things are still the same whereby i would see him looking at girls, get angry and he'd swear that he did not at all, he is not allowed to bring he's phone into the toilet with him, I'd always be suspicious of him and we would avoid going to places where there's a lot of people. The reason for this lengthy post is because I feel that he has really changed totally to the point whereby he does not value or cherish me/this relationship anymore as he does not bother whether I get angry or not be it about anything and all he needs to do it just to hug me after a whole day of me being angry and I will just forgive him and not be angry anymore. Everything that he swears and promises to me, it only applies when things are happy and good, but when we are unhappy or arguing, all the things he swear and promised, it'd all be broken and it doesn't stand anymore. I have reached the point whereby I still love him a lot and I still want to be with him, but at the same time, I feel that this is going nowhere and I deserve better, would u all be able to advise me what I should do? By the way, I am in my mid 20s, I'm quite above average looking, used to work as a model before starting this business, and he isn't handsome, just very tall and tant, but face is just average looking with quite bad complexion And we have very great sexual chemistry and is quite very active sexually. I have even reached the extend of letting him watch porn during sex as I'd rather, than him "cheating on me" I do not know if I will be the one who ends up regretting breaking up now because I do not know how to move on with my life anymore as our lives now totally revolve only around each other and I do not know what to do without him anymore or whether he will cheat on me or do anything right after we break up... Thank you for reading and would appreciate advise a lot, thanks once again.