NUSWhispers – Confession #108957

Tl;dr my brother is annoyed with me for telling my niece that she will likely not be able to have it all. My husband and I were having dinner with my brother’s family when my niece (16 years old) asked me why we didn’t have kids. I told her it was a personal choice and eyed my brother a little, because to be honest it’s a rude question to ask. He or my SIL didn’t do or say anything. So I told her that it was because I wanted to focus on my career, and that for women, it’s much harder for us to do that when we have a family compared to men. I pointed out my SIL gave up her job for a few years to care for her and her brother growing up, and that set her career back for a couple of years. And that she had to jump through some hoops to get back into the workforce. I just flat out said I didn’t want to do what my SIL did, but I respect her choice on it because she has two wonderful kids. My niece went quiet for a bit and asked if it’s the same for boys. My nephew was also listening. At this point my brother could see my niece was looking upset and suggested changing the topic. My niece then asked if she could be like my brother, have a career and family. I said it’s possible but with very careful planning and a guy who is willing to support both, but it may be hard to find one. That and biologically speaking, for the mother there’s no choice especially in the early months. At this point she started getting very upset about it, and my SIL and brother started to assure her that she definitely can have both. I also tried to assure her too but I don’t think it helped. She ended up going to her room and didn’t want to talk to any of us. My nephew on the other hand had enough grace to just keep quiet about the whole thing but you could see the smug look on his face. His sister was always doing better than him academically. My brother then got upset with me for telling it straight and said I should have lied rather than upset my niece. I honestly didn’t expect it to upset her. Cause the question also came out of the blue at dinner. Jump to a couple of days later and my brother is now annoyed at me for answering the question because my niece is now swearing that she doesn’t want to see her future career affected by kids, and that we must do more for women rights in sg and he’s worried she won’t give him grandkids. I told him to leave it to SIL to settle, but apparently she’s not talking to her mother either for “giving in to the patriarchy” Either way I think it’ll blow over soon enough… but I can’t help but wonder if I should have lied to her about reality.